Food + People = Culture

If you will, take a moment to realize I have mass quantities of vodka in my body.  OK.  Now let's begin. 

I believe the greatest thing any culture has to offer is it's food.  Everyone eats food, everyone but models anyway.  I bet you can tell me more about food of different cultures than anything else.  Tell me about Mexican food, Japanese food, Italian food, Greek food, Jamaican food...I'm sure you can name at least one very popular thing from each.  My favorite foods are usually that of my own culture.  The Southern Belle meets Average Redneck.  That's my food of choice.  I will tell you, though, that people who live this far north (CT) are completely unable to recreate the flavors of the south. 

Don't get me wrong, Connecticut does have some delicious food to offer, especially sea food and tiny restaurants in hole-in-the-wall settings that you never noticed until someone pointed it out.  As long as they don't try to do it like we southerners do, everything's fine.  Sweet tea does not exist up here; that stuff served here doesn't even count as real.  Ketchup is not an acceptable barbecue sauce.  Yes, potato salad does have mustard.  I tried to eat potato salad I ordered from a "barbecue" restaurant and I swear to you, all it had in it was potato, mayo, and maybe a little pepper.  That's crap.

Another thing that pains me is the lack of really good Mexican food.  I'm sorry, Taco Bell, but you're not real.  Back home, there are delicious places everywhere.  El Bracero's and La Potosina...om nom nom.

And last on my list of drunken food rants, is the whopper of all time.  IHOP pales in comparison and Huddle House's didn't get invited to the party either.  Instead of explaining all this to you.  Let me just show you this letter I got the other day.

For the golden delicious magic pillows they call waffles, and the manna of the gods we mere mortals named hash browns, I would walk five hundred miles then I would walk five hundred more.  Most people from here have never heard of Waffle House.  I have been gracing the booth seating of this crone-run establishment since I was a wee child.  I have eaten there during drunken stupors, dates with my husband, and even Christmas Day lunch.  Alas, the closest Waffle House is 233 miles from my poor deprived town.  And before anyone dares tell me IHOP is better or that it is the original, no, it isn't.  Waffle House started up in 1955, IHOP started in 1958, and Huddle House started in 1964. 

Hell...I wish I were sober.  I'm starting to get hungry.  The things I would do for some Taco John's food right now...So. Much. Better. Than Taco Bell.  I'm rambling.  Bye.